"If you can read this, you're too close to my car."
"Safe sax and violins."
"Guns don't kill people. I do."
"My other car is a stealth bomber." (On the back of the car of a member of the air force)
"Procrastination - I'll deal with it sooner or later."
"Dyslexics of the world - untie!!!"
"Be patriotic - question authority."
"Jesus is coming, everyone look busy."
"A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory."
"Horn broken, watch for finger."
"My kid had sex with your honor student."
"If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished."
"Help wanted telepath: you know where to apply"
"I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got."
"Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks you're an asshole."
"I'm just driving this way to piss you off."
"Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs."
"Keep honking, I'm reloading."
"Hang up and drive."
"Lord save me from your followers."
"Guns don't kill people, postal workers do."
"Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit."
"I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen."
"Friends don't let Friends drive Naked."
"If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?"
"Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math."
"Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies."
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock
"My kid beat up your Honors Student!"
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
If you have an all-state insurance, please don't hit me.--Thank you Cita
Ass, gas or grass, nobody rides for free.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
The less hair I have, the more head I get.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
If Clinton is the answer, it must have been a stupid question.