Next mood swing: 6 minutes.
I hate everybody, and you're next.
And your point is.....
Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.
Remember my name-you'll be screaming it later.
You KNOW you want me.
Don't worry. It'll only seem kinky the first time...
Of course I don't look busy...
I did it right the first time.
I'm multitalented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time.
Do NOT start with me. You will NOT win.
You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP.
All stressed out and no one to choke.
How can I miss you if you won't go away?
If we are what we eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy.
Nobody knows I'm not wearing underwear
(around a picture of dandelions) I Fought the Lawn and the Lawn Won
So many Men, So Few Who Can Afford Me
I Suffer Occasional Delusions of Adequacy
God Made Us Sisters, Prozac Made Us Friends
If They Don't Have Chocolate In Heaven, I Ain't Going
At My Age, I've Seen It All, Done It All, Heard It All... I Just Can't Remember It All
My Mother Is A Travel Agent For Guilt Trips
I Just Do What The Voices Inside My Head Tell Me To Do
(Worn by a pregnant woman) A Man Did This To Me, Oprah
If It's Called Tourist Season, Why Can't We Hunt Them?
"Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up"

"That's It! I'm Calling Grandma!" (seen on an 8 year old)

"Procrastinate Now."

"Rehab Is for Quitters."

"My Dog Can Lick Anyone."

"I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts - Do You Want Fries With That?"

"Party - My Crib - Two A.M." (on a baby-size shirt)

"Finally 21, and Legally Able to Do Everything I've Been Doing Since I Was 15."

"West Virginia: One Million People, and 15 last names."

"I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN AND I'VE GOT A GUN."

"STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!"

"They call it 'PMS' because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken."

"He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead."

"Time's fun when you're having flies.......Kermit the Frog."

"POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN-Cops have nothing to go on."

"Heck Is Where People Go Who Don't Believe In Gosh."

"The Meek shall inherit the earth....after we're through with it."

"Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana."

"HAM AND EGGS - A day's work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig."

"The trouble with life is there's no background music."

"If There Is No God, Who Pops Up The Next Kleenex?"

"Suicidal Twin Kills Sister By Mistake!"

"NyQuil - The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine."

"Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research."

"My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't."